








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 549 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 448 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3385 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,343 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6414 | 25% |
| Smokes | 8946 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 5631 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4352 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,034,062 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 191 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (Un)Em/Ployed | 60% | 55 |
| #2 | Mitchell | 54% | 341 |
| #3 | Food | 52% | 525 |
| #4 | Dead Death Ahead | 51% | 193 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (Un)Em/Ployed | 60% | 55 |
| #2 | Mitchell | 54% | 341 |
| #3 | Food | 52% | 525 |
| #4 | Dead Death Ahead | 51% | 193 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Food | 3 | 0.0003 |
| #2 | Mitchell | 1 | 0.0001 |
| #3 | Dead Death Ahead | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #4 | (Un)Em/Ployed | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Food | 2425 | 0.21 | 54 min |
| #2 | Mitchell | 830 | 0.11 | 21 min |
| #3 | Dead Death Ahead | 697 | 0.17 | 15 min |
| #4 | (Un)Em/Ployed | 207 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mitchell | +3.89 | 87 | 59 |
| #2 | (Un)Em/Ployed | +3.45 | 80 | 73 |
| #3 | Food | +0.93 | 79 | 57 |
| #4 | Dead Death Ahead | -0.19 | 74 | 54 |
| #5 | potaot | -2.96 | 32 | 67 |





