








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 444 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2290 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,161 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 954 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1205 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1209 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 793 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,062,515 of utility $240 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 77 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ej ™ | 58% | 38 |
| #2 | ✪Sparta | 57% | 67 |
| #3 | ButterMonkey™ | 56% | 103 |
| #4 | rhN ` | 56% | 72 |
| #5 | KK2K9 | 53% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ej ™ | 58% | 38 |
| #2 | ✪Sparta | 57% | 67 |
| #3 | ButterMonkey™ | 56% | 103 |
| #4 | rhN ` | 56% | 72 |
| #5 | KK2K9 | 53% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ButterMonkey™ | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | ✪Sparta | 6 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | KK2K9 | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | rhN ` | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Ej ™ | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ButterMonkey™ | 200 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | KK2K9 | 191 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | rhN ` | 132 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | ✪Sparta | 89 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Ej ™ | 51 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Sparta | +1.49 | 74 | 47 |
| #2 | ButterMonkey™ | +1.23 | 77 | 65 |
| #3 | AG | +0.98 | 62 | 47 |
| #4 | rhN ` | +0.78 | 57 | 68 |
| #5 | Ej ™ | +0.65 | 58 | 62 |





