








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,202 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 341 | 28% |
| Smokes | 294 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 297 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 270 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $80,269 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JAWNMAYOR | 57% | 7 |
| #2 | Bud-Diesel (32oz) | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | DaveDragonface | 42% | 19 |
| #4 | chobani | 42% | 24 |
| #5 | pizry | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DaveDragonface | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | chobani | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | pizry | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | JAWNMAYOR | 1 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chobani | 111 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #2 | Yuppers | 79 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | TankEvans | 35 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | DaveDragonface | 18 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | JAWNMAYOR | 9 | 0.06 | 0 min |





