








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 131 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 62 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2388 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,936 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3176 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2526 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1799 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1435 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $280,536 of utility $47 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 158 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | clown | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | . | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | boomzera | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | MHJ | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | syn | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pain | 501 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | MHJ | 481 | 0.24 | 11 min |
| #3 | . | 347 | 0.27 | 10 min |
| #4 | boomzera | 342 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #5 | clown | 300 | 0.13 | 5 min |





