








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
991 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,276 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 555 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1164 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 638 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 919 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $338,428 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zebx | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | tOmmY | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | vasi | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | Kaioken | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | ♥ curiCURAcarapata ♥ | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | J0NNNNYX | 46% | 63 |
| #11 | Chedde | 44% | 41 |
| #12 | crade | 27% | 11 |
| #13 | Sn4ke_Eyes | 25% | 12 |
| #14 | sk41 | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J0NNNNYX | 176 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | haensN シ | 110 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Chedde | 102 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | crade | 61 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| #5 | [Tp:B] Monsi | Andi | 39 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vasi | +2.35 | 83 | 61 |
| #2 | Sn4ke_Eyes | +2.31 | 88 | 67 |
| #3 | tOmmY | +1.55 | 94 | 48 |
| #4 | haensN シ | +1.52 | 73 | 66 |
| #5 | crade | +0.47 | 87 | 72 |





