








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 607 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 827 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6399 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,768 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5456 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5629 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2900 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 4783 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,773,876 of utility $238 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 771 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shit Stain | 58% | 98 |
| #2 | The_Crispy_Colonel | 50% | 473 |
| #3 | Fash | 43% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shit Stain | 58% | 98 |
| #2 | The_Crispy_Colonel | 50% | 473 |
| #3 | Fash | 43% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The_Crispy_Colonel | 24 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Shit Stain | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Fash | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The_Crispy_Colonel | 948 | 0.09 | 20 min |
| #2 | Shit Stain | 326 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #3 | Fash | 58 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The_Crispy_Colonel | +1.18 | 52 | 62 |
| #2 | Shit Stain | -0.40 | 40 | 67 |
| #3 | Cheeki Breeki | -0.79 | 39 | 44 |
| #4 | Fash | -2.04 | 36 | 47 |





