








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 62 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 112 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1898 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,939 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1779 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1930 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2123 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2107 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $511,326 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | doOb | 45% | 53 |
| #14 | Tissueee | 43% | 21 |
| #15 | Entryy | 38% | 21 |
| #16 | sohyb | 38% | 21 |
| #17 | -dre- | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Entryy | 9 | 0.0178 |
| #2 | Sneaky Beaky like ;) | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | DaleBM | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Limdanski | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | bob the gas engineer | 3 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doOb | 201 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #2 | FLynN | 192 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #3 | DaleBM | 182 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | Limdanski | 116 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | slayd | 112 | 0.19 | 2 min |





