








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 105 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1186 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,285 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 458 | 20% |
| Smokes | 424 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 763 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 640 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $372,464 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jonkers | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Alpha Asian | 70% | 20 |
| #3 | Shizuko Yazuki | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | Moo Moo | 56% | 91 |
| #5 | smurfy | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | DBeatzz | 53% | 30 |
| #9 | LaMigra | 53% | 36 |
| #10 | God Emperor | 52% | 23 |
| #11 | Aliean | 47% | 15 |
| #12 | ploot | 44% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jonkers | 5 | 0.0237 |
| #2 | Moo Moo | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | DBeatzz | 4 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | John | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Aliean | 2 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John | 462 | 0.25 | 12 min |
| #2 | Moo Moo | 182 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | DBeatzz | 142 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | God Emperor | 113 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #5 | LaMigra | 96 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Moo Moo | +2.31 | 68 | 60 |
| #2 | ploot | +1.14 | 65 | 60 |
| #3 | DBeatzz | +0.89 | 81 | 65 |
| #4 | Noja | +0.70 | 75 | 46 |
| #5 | God Emperor | +0.19 | 82 | 78 |





