








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1610 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,755 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1733 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1163 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1704 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1155 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $207,455 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ode | 11 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | decof | 6 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | islander | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | SAATANANPALVOJANATSI!!!11 | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Blaerah | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ode | 492 | 0.27 | 14 min |
| #2 | islander | 139 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | decof | 120 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | SAATANANPALVOJANATSI!!!11 | 108 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Blaerah | 58 | 0.15 | 2 min |





