








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 474 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Faceit | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




57 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4228 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,940 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1998 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1334 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1822 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1786 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $423,056 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1178 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Breezy3K | 64% | 25 |
| #2 | boy pussy | 54% | 28 |
| #3 | Joshos | 52% | 54 |
| #4 | slider | 50% | 185 |
| #5 | Colde | 48% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slider | 59 | 0.0157 |
| #2 | Colde | 10 | 0.0170 |
| #3 | boy pussy | 8 | 0.0142 |
| #4 | Breezy3K | 7 | 0.0136 |
| #5 | Joshos | 6 | 0.0056 |





