








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 477 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 160 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2742 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,740 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1325 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1212 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1217 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1986 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $750,897 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1148 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ^contact | 68% | 25 |
| #2 | Regless | 67% | 15 |
| #3 | SHAK_t☢ | 56% | 87 |
| #4 | 2024 | 55% | 148 |
| #5 | .Ernie` | 54% | 128 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | SHAK_t☢ | 56% | 87 |
| #4 | 2024 | 55% | 148 |
| #5 | .Ernie` | 54% | 128 |
| #6 | behrouz | 53% | 57 |
| #7 | yoghurt jr | 51% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2024 | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | SHAK_t☢ | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | .Ernie` | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | behrouz | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | yoghurt jr | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .Ernie` | 605 | 0.22 | 16 min |
| #2 | 2024 | 515 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #3 | SHAK_t☢ | 211 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | ^contact | 121 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #5 | yoghurt jr | 118 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ^contact | +3.07 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | .n o i x | +1.30 | 85 | 58 |
| #3 | 2024 | +0.21 | 70 | 68 |
| #4 | Regless | -0.39 | 78 | 27 |
| #5 | yoghurt jr | -0.86 | 43 | 51 |





