








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2400 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,845 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2621 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2438 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2270 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1516 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $520,820 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | André 'MVM | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | laufsteakmodel シ | 68% | 22 |
| #3 | §_D Dressco | 61% | 31 |
| #4 | Cawa | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | amastoren | 53% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | laufsteakmodel シ | 68% | 22 |
| #3 | §_D Dressco | 61% | 31 |
| #4 | Cawa | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | amastoren | 53% | 17 |
| #6 | xc1usive | 41% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | André 'MVM | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | §_D Dressco | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | §_D Dressco | 128 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #2 | André 'MVM | 114 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #3 | xc1usive | 67 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | laufsteakmodel シ | 37 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Cawa | 32 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | §_D Dressco | +3.01 | 83 | 73 |
| #2 | André 'MVM | +2.12 | 76 | 66 |
| #3 | amastoren | +0.58 | 67 | 55 |
| #4 | laufsteakmodel シ | -0.02 | 74 | 50 |
| #5 | xc1usive | -0.04 | 61 | 70 |





