








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
826 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,929 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 521 | 13% |
| Smokes | 308 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 2318 | 59% |
| Molotovs | 782 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $278,847 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tvrkz | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | Yonderxm5 | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | Mac | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | Bluely | 49% | 57 |
| #5 | exotic | 47% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | exotic | 22 | 0.0201 |
| #2 | Kuahana | 17 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Bluely | 11 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | Master Shifu | 8 | 0.0096 |
| #5 | Yonderxm5 | 6 | 0.0134 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kuahana | 534 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #2 | exotic | 189 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | Bluely | 168 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | Master Shifu | 98 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Tvrkz | 56 | 0.18 | 1 min |





