








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,585 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 228 | 14% |
| Smokes | 461 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 420 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 476 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $314,570 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chicken | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Floozy | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | TheImmortalChicken | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | wunsen | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | ★KladySs★ | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ★KladySs★ | 50% | 4 |
| #6 | Cornelius Hornswoggle | 33% | 15 |
| #7 | baeks o-('-'Q) | 20% | 5 |
| #8 | oggy | 17% | 6 |
| #9 | Humble | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheImmortalChicken | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Floozy | 1 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheImmortalChicken | 26 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | ★KladySs★ | 17 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #3 | Cornelius Hornswoggle | 14 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | baeks o-('-'Q) | 12 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | oggy | 8 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheImmortalChicken | +2.59 | 74 | 68 |
| #2 | JRG | +1.65 | 56 | 42 |
| #3 | Cornelius Hornswoggle | +1.06 | 64 | 59 |
| #4 | wunsen | +0.77 | 68 | 54 |
| #5 | Floozy | +0.55 | 68 | 27 |





