








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 146 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 40 matches | ||
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4329 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,975 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2410 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1415 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1867 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1283 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $983,333 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rileymustache | 52% | 120 |
| #2 | Cabbage_Head | 46% | 171 |
| #3 | Seely Dan | 44% | 174 |
| #4 | RedOnion_697 | 42% | 26 |
| #5 | superschmeat | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Seely Dan | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | superschmeat | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Cabbage_Head | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Rileymustache | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | TheBeardedViking | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cabbage_Head | 75 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #2 | Rileymustache | 63 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | RedOnion_697 | 27 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | TheBeardedViking | 16 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Seely Dan | 13 | 0.00 | 0 min |





