








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 553 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 462 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 96 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5255 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,135 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4744 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4469 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 6008 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 4914 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,651,701 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 190 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Kkake | 46% | 178 |
| #7 | Emeritus Hermeticus Hippopotamo | 46% | 142 |
| #8 | MildShak3 | 41% | 145 |
| #9 | Studioläski | 41% | 81 |
| #10 | MelkoKettuVelhoksi | 39% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MildShak3 | 12 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Kkake | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Emeritus Hermeticus Hippopotamo | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Nappe | 5 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Fate | 4 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emeritus Hermeticus Hippopotamo | 915 | 0.30 | 29 min |
| #2 | Kkake | 484 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #3 | MildShak3 | 323 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | Studioläski | 298 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #5 | Fate | 213 | 0.08 | 5 min |





