








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
791 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,840 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 648 | 23% |
| Smokes | 641 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 880 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 671 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $274,706 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 71 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kkake | 44% | 55 |
| #2 | Kuzaq | 39% | 61 |
| #3 | Fate | 39% | 41 |
| #4 | MildShak3 | 35% | 49 |
| #5 | Emeritus Hermeticus Hippopotamo | 34% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Kuzaq | 39% | 61 |
| #3 | Fate | 39% | 41 |
| #4 | MildShak3 | 35% | 49 |
| #5 | Emeritus Hermeticus Hippopotamo | 34% | 58 |
| #6 | Studioläski | 34% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kuzaq | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | MildShak3 | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Emeritus Hermeticus Hippopotamo | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Fate | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Studioläski | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emeritus Hermeticus Hippopotamo | 389 | 0.31 | 13 min |
| #2 | Kkake | 171 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Kuzaq | 165 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | Studioläski | 153 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | MildShak3 | 108 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emeritus Hermeticus Hippopotamo | +2.17 | 53 | 87 |
| #2 | MildShak3 | -0.21 | 56 | 62 |
| #3 | Kkake | -0.44 | 51 | 69 |
| #4 | Studioläski | -1.13 | 48 | 71 |
| #5 | Fate | -1.22 | 33 | 56 |





