








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
294 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 932 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 135 | 14% |
| Smokes | 207 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 492 | 53% |
| Molotovs | 98 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $186,937 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Antonio Brown | 42% | 53 |
| #7 | Bo Duke | 37% | 19 |
| #8 | Arrow | 37% | 38 |
| #9 | ☭HAMMER-GANG☭ | 29% | 14 |
| #10 | WokToYou | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Antonio Brown | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | WokToYou | 3 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | Dangles -qwop- | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Arrow | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Unsnappy | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dangles -qwop- | 134 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Arrow | 125 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bo Duke | 57 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Unsnappy | 56 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | WokToYou | 41 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tdumps | +12.32 | 94 | 34 |
| #2 | Dangles -qwop- | +5.99 | 77 | 69 |
| #3 | Unsnappy | +3.77 | 83 | 62 |
| #4 | Arrow | +0.46 | 44 | 49 |
| #5 | Antonio Brown | -0.15 | 62 | 59 |





