








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 133 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 235 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2585 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,088 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1691 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1801 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2195 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1401 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $961,154 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 335 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meat | 47% | 78 |
| #2 | LamePunEthan | 46% | 52 |
| #3 | Jerry | 42% | 100 |
| #4 | Roman Beers | 32% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meat | 47% | 78 |
| #2 | LamePunEthan | 46% | 52 |
| #3 | Jerry | 42% | 100 |
| #4 | Roman Beers | 32% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meat | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | LamePunEthan | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Jerry | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Roman Beers | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerry | 120 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #2 | LamePunEthan | 103 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Roman Beers | 64 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | meat | 38 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LamePunEthan | +2.02 | 45 | 58 |
| #2 | meat | +1.30 | 48 | 36 |
| #3 | Moist_Terps | +1.14 | 60 | 52 |
| #4 | Roman Beers | -3.15 | 19 | 38 |
| #5 | Jerry | -4.59 | 18 | 44 |





