










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1018 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,925 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1912 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2194 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2016 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 803 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $847,089 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 799 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | gargamel | 51% | 47 |
| #5 | TYPE SHIT | 50% | 18 |
| #6 | The Green String Bean | 50% | 38 |
| #7 | Sergeant Spray n Pray | 47% | 34 |
| #8 | Diesel | 36% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sergeant Spray n Pray | 5 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | gargamel | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Avve | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Diesel | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | The Green String Bean | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gargamel | 119 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | Diesel | 119 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | The Green String Bean | 102 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Sergeant Spray n Pray | 63 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | TYPE SHIT | 52 | 0.13 | 1 min |





