








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 815 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 231 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 52 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




68 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4845 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,461 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5393 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5340 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 7503 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 5225 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,898,961 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4121 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | patk | 44% | 154 |
| #10 | Squeex | 43% | 37 |
| #11 | señor pantalones del fuego | 37% | 41 |
| #12 | Positive Mindset Gaming | 34% | 35 |
| #13 | rona | 32% | 38 |





