








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 44 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 137 matches | ||
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1842 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,970 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2081 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2042 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 390 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 1457 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $626,156 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nurse | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | jermm | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | george | 54% | 41 |
| #4 | DrollerZebra | 53% | 153 |
| #5 | Chris P Bacon ⭕⃤ | 49% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | george | 54% | 41 |
| #4 | DrollerZebra | 53% | 153 |
| #5 | Chris P Bacon ⭕⃤ | 49% | 43 |
| #6 | Alexander Alexanderov | 47% | 19 |
| #7 | Goober -iwnl- | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrollerZebra | 12 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Chris P Bacon ⭕⃤ | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | jermm | 3 | 0.0136 |
| #4 | george | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrollerZebra | 457 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #2 | Alexander Alexanderov | 99 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #3 | george | 80 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | jermm | 39 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | Chris P Bacon ⭕⃤ | 34 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kr0pka♛ | +1.27 | 71 | 61 |
| #2 | george | +0.32 | 86 | 43 |
| #3 | DrollerZebra | +0.13 | 72 | 57 |
| #4 | jermm | -1.74 | 59 | 62 |
| #5 | Nurse | -1.94 | 41 | 53 |





