








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 96 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,893 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1940 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2322 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2816 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1815 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $993,533 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1966 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Strata | 46% | 26 |
| #2 | Brooke | 45% | 31 |
| #3 | Bublés | 42% | 55 |
| #4 | D A J O K T A~ | 39% | 186 |
| #5 | UnOfficial | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | D A J O K T A~ | 39% | 186 |
| #5 | UnOfficial | 37% | 19 |
| #6 | Relish | 37% | 19 |
| #7 | ℱurn | 35% | 65 |
| #8 | Rivers Cuomo | 35% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rivers Cuomo | 16 | 0.0151 |
| #2 | ℱurn | 11 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | D A J O K T A~ | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Bublés | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Relish | 4 | 0.0111 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D A J O K T A~ | 350 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #2 | Rivers Cuomo | 172 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bublés | 161 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | ℱurn | 128 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | Brooke | 57 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bublés | +7.00 | 79 | 70 |
| #2 | Relish | +1.63 | 80 | 11 |
| #3 | ℱurn | +0.33 | 73 | 61 |
| #4 | Strata | -0.13 | 28 | 54 |
| #5 | UnOfficial | -0.81 | 72 | 39 |





