








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 648 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 330 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3743 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,508 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 90 | 4% |
| Smokes | 1788 | 71% |
| HE Grenades | 331 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 299 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $660,339 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 208 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoidburg | 47% | 32 |
| #2 | Vikz | 45% | 341 |
| #3 | Neilla | 44% | 84 |
| #4 | Turbanator® | 44% | 32 |
| #5 | beamin' | 44% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Vikz | 45% | 341 |
| #3 | Neilla | 44% | 84 |
| #4 | Turbanator® | 44% | 32 |
| #5 | beamin' | 44% | 78 |
| #6 | Elias!! | 43% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vikz | 11 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Elias!! | 3 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Zoidburg | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Neilla | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | beamin' | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vikz | 1747 | 0.24 | 39 min |
| #2 | Neilla | 334 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #3 | Zoidburg | 102 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Elias!! | 39 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Turbanator® | 27 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoidburg | +2.23 | 39 | 69 |
| #2 | Neilla | +1.60 | 31 | 69 |
| #3 | >>>Soldier Boy<<< [The boys] | +0.66 | 62 | 20 |
| #4 | Elias!! | +0.34 | 44 | 22 |
| #5 | Turbanator® | -0.37 | 36 | 26 |





