








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 995 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 223 matches | ||
| Faceit | 85 matches | ||
| Esplay | 49 matches | 2,215 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5636 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,059 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4218 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3081 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 4666 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 3094 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,350,654 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 454 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toxic | 61% | 51 |
| #2 | Cottori | 56% | 101 |
| #3 | Nosci | 56% | 317 |
| #4 | makar | 55% | 123 |
| #5 | EleGATES | 55% | 204 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nosci | 9 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Cottori | 8 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | SkRiww | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | EleGATES | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | eLE | 4 | 0.0018 |





