








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
698 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,443 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 565 | 23% |
| Smokes | 964 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 650 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 264 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $44,571 of utility $31 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | grantypoo | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | Jellied_JimBob | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | Louis | 44% | 18 |
| #4 | D3stin_ov3rlord | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | AlexanderTheGreat | 39% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Louis | 44% | 18 |
| #4 | D3stin_ov3rlord | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | AlexanderTheGreat | 39% | 36 |
| #6 | misha | 39% | 36 |
| #7 | Jasee | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | misha | 8 | 0.0109 |
| #2 | AlexanderTheGreat | 5 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Louis | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Jasee | 1 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Jellied_JimBob | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlexanderTheGreat | 211 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #2 | Louis | 67 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #3 | misha | 54 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jasee | 28 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | grantypoo | 17 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Louis | +4.07 | 82 | 51 |
| #2 | JC Denton | +3.87 | 46 | 66 |
| #3 | grantypoo | +2.88 | 55 | 55 |
| #4 | Jasee | +2.10 | 64 | 50 |
| #5 | Jellied_JimBob | -1.03 | 56 | 17 |





