








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 136 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1114 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,933 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1268 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1292 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 980 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 393 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $705,104 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | eP1cK- | 60% | 55 |
| #8 | Merc | 55% | 29 |
| #9 | ProfessionalHulaHuladancer | 47% | 85 |
| #10 | UnknownGranny | 45% | 62 |
| #11 | Fadeaway | 37% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | matosas | 10 | 0.0140 |
| #2 | Fadeaway | 6 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | Blank | 6 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | juv | 6 | 0.0103 |
| #5 | ProfessionalHulaHuladancer | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UnknownGranny | 174 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | ProfessionalHulaHuladancer | 153 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | matosas | 147 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #4 | eP1cK- | 123 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | juv | 94 | 0.16 | 2 min |





