








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 79 matches | ||
| Premier | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1485 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,864 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1281 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2253 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2155 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1175 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $562,835 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 40 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kojima (Post Covid Edition) | 51% | 77 |
| #2 | bp_hat | 49% | 164 |
| #3 | .karboN | 47% | 86 |
| #4 | scqasch | 41% | 73 |
| #5 | never nich | 38% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | bp_hat | 49% | 164 |
| #3 | .karboN | 47% | 86 |
| #4 | scqasch | 41% | 73 |
| #5 | never nich | 38% | 78 |
| #6 | plexor. | 26% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bp_hat | 16 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | .karboN | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | plexor. | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Kojima (Post Covid Edition) | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | scqasch | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bp_hat | 519 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | never nich | 268 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | .karboN | 201 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | Kojima (Post Covid Edition) | 178 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | plexor. | 99 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bp_hat | +4.42 | 85 | 72 |
| #2 | .karboN | +0.47 | 75 | 62 |
| #3 | scqasch | +0.32 | 58 | 59 |
| #4 | Kojima (Post Covid Edition) | -0.40 | 55 | 57 |
| #5 | plexor. | -2.07 | 54 | 58 |





