








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 603 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 457 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5683 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,272 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4366 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4660 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 5698 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 5548 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,341,687 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 843 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Lahey | 52% | 120 |
| #2 | Mentoleq | 51% | 216 |
| #3 | Dyktator | 50% | 473 |
| #4 | RakunaMatata | 48% | 172 |
| #5 | Leo | 44% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Lahey | 52% | 120 |
| #2 | Mentoleq | 51% | 216 |
| #3 | Dyktator | 50% | 473 |
| #4 | RakunaMatata | 48% | 172 |
| #5 | Leo | 44% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dyktator | 15 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Mentoleq | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | RakunaMatata | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Leo | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Jim Lahey | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dyktator | 1103 | 0.11 | 33 min |
| #2 | RakunaMatata | 295 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | Jim Lahey | 162 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Mentoleq | 116 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| #5 | Leo | 53 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mentoleq | +0.94 | 89 | 33 |
| #2 | Raav | +0.76 | 76 | 65 |
| #3 | Dyktator | +0.30 | 77 | 70 |
| #4 | Leo | -0.90 | 74 | 52 |
| #5 | Jim Lahey | -1.19 | 67 | 54 |





