








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 396 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 211 matches | ||
| Premier | 192 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4239 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,587 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4202 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4314 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2563 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 4508 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,594,888 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 84 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p h e x x | 61% | 51 |
| #2 | ☛︎ imbossing ♛ | 58% | 123 |
| #3 | Klanglos/GER/ | 57% | 35 |
| #4 | spezisep | 56% | 145 |
| #5 | HAvN☺☻ | 54% | 217 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spezisep | 9 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | ☛︎ imbossing ♛ | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | HAvN☺☻ | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Stony Mahony ♿ | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | eLeXieЯ | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HAvN☺☻ | 726 | 0.16 | 18 min |
| #2 | Stony Mahony ♿ | 534 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #3 | pat1 | 414 | 0.27 | 13 min |
| #4 | ☛︎ imbossing ♛ | 405 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #5 | spezisep | 324 | 0.10 | 7 min |





