








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 83 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1365 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,576 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1022 | 29% |
| Smokes | 679 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1533 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 342 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $409,687 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 68 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dustburn | 25 | 0.0136 |
| #2 | nil | 18 | 0.0160 |
| #3 | Black Impostor from Ohio | 14 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Scar | 11 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | Clamaris | 8 | 0.0081 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dustburn | 252 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | nil | 248 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #3 | Scar | 241 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | Black Impostor from Ohio | 146 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Clamaris | 134 | 0.14 | 3 min |





