








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 31 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1603 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,674 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1820 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1418 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1486 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 950 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $477,808 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 70 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSAR BOMBA | 52% | 56 |
| #2 | YolkFace | 49% | 126 |
| #3 | Hansen | 48% | 129 |
| #4 | Tootoo | 47% | 99 |
| #5 | Endo | 46% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSAR BOMBA | 52% | 56 |
| #2 | YolkFace | 49% | 126 |
| #3 | Hansen | 48% | 129 |
| #4 | Tootoo | 47% | 99 |
| #5 | Endo | 46% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Endo | 9 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Tootoo | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Hansen | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | YolkFace | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YolkFace | 351 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #2 | Hansen | 283 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | Endo | 265 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | TSAR BOMBA | 116 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Tootoo | 85 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Endo | +2.59 | 67 | 71 |
| #2 | YolkFace | +0.89 | 67 | 74 |
| #3 | TSAR BOMBA | +0.58 | 57 | 70 |
| #4 | typedef | -0.28 | 50 | 56 |
| #5 | Hansen | -1.58 | 56 | 64 |





