










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,394 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 114 | 8% |
| Smokes | 261 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 654 | 47% |
| Molotovs | 365 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $514,979 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TinkyWinky | 46% | 26 |
| #2 | Sössli | 45% | 20 |
| #3 | Waheey | 42% | 83 |
| #4 | Michelle Hundsficker | 42% | 93 |
| #5 | CVLDERA | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michelle Hundsficker | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Chef Koch Sose | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Waheey | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Sössli | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Merryadawg Brandibog(dan) | 1 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waheey | 165 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Michelle Hundsficker | 48 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #3 | Chef Koch Sose | 29 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | CVLDERA | 25 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Sössli | 18 | 0.04 | 1 min |





