








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 43 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
205 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 408 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 183 | 45% |
| Smokes | 100 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 37 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 88 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $91,897 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pumbaya | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | Teddy Knight | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Jugular Implosion | 25% | 4 |
| #4 | mindfulafterthoughts | 14% | 7 |
| #5 | Noname | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pumbaya | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | Teddy Knight | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Jugular Implosion | 25% | 4 |
| #4 | mindfulafterthoughts | 14% | 7 |
| #5 | Noname | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mindfulafterthoughts | 1 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | Jugular Implosion | 1 | 0.0135 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pumbaya | 12 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #2 | Teddy Knight | 12 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | Jugular Implosion | 3 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | Noname | 3 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | mindfulafterthoughts | 1 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noname | +3.68 | 80 | 80 |
| #2 | Honey-Lips | +1.27 | 36 | 47 |
| #3 | Teddy Knight | -1.59 | 33 | 45 |
| #4 | pumbaya | -2.05 | 42 | 25 |
| #5 | Jugular Implosion | -5.19 | 18 | 51 |





