








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 461 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 243 matches | ||
| Faceit | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3594 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,313 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2768 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3960 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2438 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3147 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,391,762 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 739 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | PorkChops | 48% | 31 |
| #8 | Beetlejuice | 47% | 117 |
| #9 | cl1n cl1n | 47% | 88 |
| #10 | Alsyna | 46% | 26 |
| #11 | Khoury | 45% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beetlejuice | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Sedjem | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | cl1n cl1n | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | desktopketamine | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Alsyna | 3 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sedjem | 450 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #2 | DVY | 369 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #3 | Beetlejuice | 351 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | cl1n cl1n | 277 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #5 | Danksy | 191 | 0.10 | 4 min |





