








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 828 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 143 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1694 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,725 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1887 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1401 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 994 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1443 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $853,686 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 672 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Señor BuBu | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | MΣ GustA# . | 65% | 17 |
| #3 | du†ch cs.money | 63% | 16 |
| #4 | ChetS | 61% | 18 |
| #5 | ⎛⎝Beerus⎠⎞ | 60% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hemlock | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | ☠♈αя♏αη⋃☠ヅ | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | ✰Dΐvΐภe✰ | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | ChetS | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | ^AxN^ | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☠♈αя♏αη⋃☠ヅ | 156 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | P33ING^♕ | 114 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Hemlock | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | ✰Dΐvΐภe✰ | 59 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Maniac | 56 | 0.07 | 1 min |





