








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 189 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 284 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3194 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,255 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5227 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5100 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3791 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4137 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $503,271 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 187 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taco Belloni | 60% | 57 |
| #2 | gleeb | 59% | 75 |
| #3 | baby bologna | 56% | 43 |
| #4 | Shmeatz | 51% | 78 |
| #5 | slick | 46% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | baby bologna | 7 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Taco Belloni | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | gleeb | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | slick | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Shmeatz | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmeatz | 237 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | Taco Belloni | 166 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | slick | 132 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | gleeb | 121 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | baby bologna | 81 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gleeb | +2.55 | 87 | 63 |
| #2 | Schaubi | +1.73 | 75 | 69 |
| #3 | slick | +0.87 | 79 | 67 |
| #4 | Shmeatz | +0.64 | 88 | 62 |
| #5 | Taco Belloni | +0.01 | 67 | 64 |





