








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 314 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 234 matches | ||
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2176 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,268 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1311 | 14% |
| Smokes | 3591 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 2498 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1868 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,224,813 of utility $259 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | YouDontKnowME | 44% | 108 |
| #9 | ColdFire | 41% | 160 |
| #10 | SLund | 40% | 141 |
| #11 | ZEIKO ™ | 37% | 38 |
| #12 | 𝑙𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑑 | 35% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SLund | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | (⌐■_■)DingDong(⌐■_■) | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | ColdFire | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | YouDontKnowME | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | GreensWorld*DK* | 2 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GreensWorld*DK* | 406 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #2 | MathewJR | 400 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | (⌐■_■)DingDong(⌐■_■) | 282 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #4 | SLund | 248 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #5 | YouDontKnowME | 171 | 0.07 | 5 min |





