








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 789 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 478 matches | ||
| Premier | 199 matches | ||
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8356 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,531 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5985 | 18% |
| Smokes | 10026 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 9037 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 7483 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,360,564 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 517 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | GreensWorld*DK* | 44% | 309 |
| #8 | YouDontKnowME | 43% | 182 |
| #9 | 𝑙𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑑 | 43% | 96 |
| #10 | Inde_i_Bamse | 40% | 141 |
| #11 | Reekin' Foreskin | 37% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (⌐■_■)DingDong(⌐■_■) | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | MathewJR | 6 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | ColdFire | 6 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | CBAK | 6 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | GreensWorld*DK* | 5 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MathewJR | 1191 | 0.10 | 32 min |
| #2 | CBAK | 734 | 0.10 | 22 min |
| #3 | (⌐■_■)DingDong(⌐■_■) | 614 | 0.13 | 18 min |
| #4 | GreensWorld*DK* | 464 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #5 | ColdFire | 360 | 0.04 | 10 min |





