








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 104 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 135 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2415 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,019 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2975 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2260 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2015 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2769 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,076,702 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 51 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Tizzed Up! | 53% | 125 |
| #5 | Goat Juice ⛴ | 50% | 58 |
| #6 | ♛Haps♛ | 49% | 144 |
| #7 | Zikzak | 49% | 39 |
| #8 | Kazpariuz | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Noscope | 12 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | ♛Haps♛ | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Goat Juice ⛴ | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tizzed Up! | 591 | 0.23 | 18 min |
| #2 | Dr. Noscope | 500 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | Goat Juice ⛴ | 368 | 0.28 | 10 min |
| #4 | ♛Haps♛ | 219 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | Xentric | 146 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xentric | +1.64 | 44 | 59 |
| #2 | ♛Haps♛ | +1.54 | 68 | 63 |
| #3 | Dr. Noscope | +1.14 | 65 | 59 |
| #4 | Fikz | +0.26 | 54 | 68 |
| #5 | Goat Juice ⛴ | -0.77 | 63 | 71 |





