








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 823 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 237 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5527 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,892 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3042 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2768 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2786 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2296 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,500,112 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 198 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banger records | 63% | 24 |
| #2 | Sp4ce | 53% | 103 |
| #3 | Okkie | 53% | 173 |
| #4 | HEllo | 51% | 101 |
| #5 | Rune | 51% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Rune | 51% | 96 |
| #6 | Cheap Whore Patrice | 49% | 383 |
| #7 | ✪ Que b | 49% | 152 |
| #8 | ¤¤VELO¤¤ | 47% | 96 |
| #9 | kulhydrat | 45% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheap Whore Patrice | 87 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | ✪ Que b | 45 | 0.0141 |
| #3 | Okkie | 21 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | HEllo | 12 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | ¤¤VELO¤¤ | 9 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheap Whore Patrice | 817 | 0.10 | 19 min |
| #2 | Okkie | 557 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #3 | Sp4ce | 427 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #4 | HEllo | 395 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #5 | ✪ Que b | 390 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banger records | +2.63 | 68 | 56 |
| #2 | Big Black Glock | +1.94 | 68 | 53 |
| #3 | ✪ Que b | +1.68 | 76 | 64 |
| #4 | Sp4ce | +1.36 | 59 | 63 |
| #5 | kulhydrat | +1.01 | 61 | 55 |





