








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 154 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 125 matches | ||
| Premier | 112 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2269 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,059 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2355 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2282 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1983 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1439 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,376,424 of utility $221 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zostar^ ☆ | 60% | 15 |
| #2 | ✯phoenix✯ | 57% | 114 |
| #3 | Stage | 56% | 100 |
| #4 | Smirnoff | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | ʈιηz †웃 | 53% | 280 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Klunkejoe.qoou | 53% | 257 |
| #7 | TurtleMike | 50% | 101 |
| #8 | Slambert | 50% | 133 |
| #9 | jpn | 43% | 21 |
| #10 | Birke | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Klunkejoe.qoou | 10 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | ʈιηz †웃 | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Slambert | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | TurtleMike | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | ✯phoenix✯ | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ʈιηz †웃 | 1326 | 0.22 | 38 min |
| #2 | Klunkejoe.qoou | 1070 | 0.19 | 27 min |
| #3 | ✯phoenix✯ | 397 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #4 | Slambert | 339 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #5 | Stage | 153 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stage | +2.61 | 79 | 65 |
| #2 | Smirnoff | +1.79 | 64 | 74 |
| #3 | zostar^ ☆ | +1.30 | 77 | 61 |
| #4 | ʈιηz †웃 | +0.90 | 69 | 74 |
| #5 | ✯phoenix✯ | -0.01 | 59 | 71 |





