








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 194 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 132 matches | ||
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 49 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2850 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,792 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5440 | 43% |
| Smokes | 2688 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2451 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2213 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $975,013 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zostar^ ☆ | 63% | 19 |
| #2 | ✯phoenix✯ | 57% | 125 |
| #3 | Smirnoff | 56% | 18 |
| #4 | Stage | 55% | 107 |
| #5 | CypiC | 53% | 257 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | CypiC | 53% | 257 |
| #6 | ʈιηz †웃 | 53% | 303 |
| #7 | Slambert | 52% | 114 |
| #8 | TurtleMike | 48% | 87 |
| #9 | jpn | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CypiC | 8 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | ʈιηz †웃 | 7 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Slambert | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Stage | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | ✯phoenix✯ | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ʈιηz †웃 | 1348 | 0.21 | 39 min |
| #2 | CypiC | 569 | 0.10 | 16 min |
| #3 | ✯phoenix✯ | 425 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #4 | Slambert | 285 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #5 | Stage | 160 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stage | +2.65 | 79 | 65 |
| #2 | Smirnoff | +2.38 | 66 | 72 |
| #3 | zostar^ ☆ | +1.90 | 78 | 62 |
| #4 | ʈιηz †웃 | +1.05 | 68 | 71 |
| #5 | Klunkejoe.qoou | +0.13 | 57 | 70 |





