








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1757 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 599 matches | ||
| Premier | 120 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 43 matches | ||
| Wingman | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




87 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7709 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 37,237 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6590 | 18% |
| Smokes | 12867 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 9548 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 8232 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,733,563 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1939 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | KONY | 49% | 57 |
| #14 | EdgeOfaKHole | 47% | 158 |
| #15 | Give me your Banana | 46% | 65 |
| #16 | dog | 43% | 161 |
| #17 | Blakeッ | 42% | 109 |





