








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 847 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 328 matches | ||
| Premier | 208 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 170 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5042 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,251 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2828 | 17% |
| Smokes | 4278 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5710 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 3435 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,986,431 of utility $237 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 409 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | CH'TUNGU | 47% | 78 |
| #11 | elemeNt | 47% | 32 |
| #12 | NeroBEA$T | 45% | 40 |
| #13 | G.O.D. | 45% | 56 |
| #14 | zCruSaideR | 44% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ hippi1 | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | CH'TUNGU | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | zCruSaideR | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | ryuaner | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | seak | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ hippi1 | 431 | 0.24 | 15 min |
| #2 | seak | 400 | 0.26 | 10 min |
| #3 | CH'TUNGU | 243 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | zCruSaideR | 208 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | ryuaner | 198 | 0.12 | 5 min |





