








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
398 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,086 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 221 | 20% |
| Smokes | 290 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 319 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 256 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $354,013 of utility $308 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FunCee | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | King Mozambique | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | Zubmit | 51% | 51 |
| #4 | Slappjack | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | Aimer Carl | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FunCee | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | King Mozambique | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | Zubmit | 51% | 51 |
| #4 | Slappjack | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | Aimer Carl | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zubmit | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Slappjack | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | FunCee | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | King Mozambique | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FunCee | 78 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Zubmit | 43 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | King Mozambique | 37 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Slappjack | 31 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Aimer Carl | 16 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zubmit | +2.16 | 70 | 56 |
| #2 | FunCee | +0.45 | 71 | 60 |
| #3 | Aimer Carl | -0.71 | 56 | 47 |
| #4 | Gramse | -1.30 | 74 | 42 |
| #5 | King Mozambique | -1.92 | 69 | 61 |





