








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 492 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 178 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2978 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,548 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1731 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2106 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1562 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2149 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,019,060 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -brian | 64% | 22 |
| #2 | Jimmy | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | ultiii | 59% | 54 |
| #4 | Rusty | 56% | 135 |
| #5 | Drass | 53% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ultiii | 4 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Jimmy | 1 | 0.0016 |





