








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1482 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4882 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,121 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6045 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7276 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5574 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4226 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,122,997 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 519 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ojczym Piotrka | 53% | 47 |
| #4 | nQ | 47% | 416 |
| #5 | Baz Astral | 46% | 246 |
| #6 | M4JsT3R | 44% | 261 |
| #7 | fentanyl enthusiast | 41% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nQ | 22 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Vanta | 17 | 0.0098 |
| #3 | fentanyl enthusiast | 11 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Baz Astral | 9 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Ojczym Piotrka | 8 | 0.0079 |





