








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 457 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 461 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3367 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,148 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4047 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4665 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5250 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4186 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,764,087 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 408 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | *balls* | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | ♛ ⒹⓤⓉⓢⓀⓘ ♛ | 51% | 190 |
| #3 | Серебряный масте | 48% | 170 |
| #4 | [Hou]Møller | 46% | 56 |
| #5 | HomeJeans | 45% | 177 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ♛ ⒹⓤⓉⓢⓀⓘ ♛ | 51% | 190 |
| #3 | Серебряный масте | 48% | 170 |
| #4 | [Hou]Møller | 46% | 56 |
| #5 | HomeJeans | 45% | 177 |
| #6 | Andy® [DEN] | 32% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Серебряный масте | 15 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | ♛ ⒹⓤⓉⓢⓀⓘ ♛ | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | HomeJeans | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | [Hou]Møller | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Andy® [DEN] | 3 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Серебряный масте | 366 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #2 | ♛ ⒹⓤⓉⓢⓀⓘ ♛ | 265 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | HomeJeans | 172 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | [Hou]Møller | 129 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Andy® [DEN] | 65 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♛ ⒹⓤⓉⓢⓀⓘ ♛ | +2.56 | 44 | 55 |
| #2 | HomeJeans | +0.46 | 34 | 61 |
| #3 | *balls* | -0.96 | 20 | 52 |
| #4 | Arctic_Bees [snaldretsneppe] | -1.56 | 19 | 63 |
| #5 | Серебряный масте | -1.68 | 29 | 68 |





