








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 258 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Wingman | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3076 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,957 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1538 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1728 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1646 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2045 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,032,691 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 145 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stimpy | 53% | 17 |
| #2 | [Hou]Møller | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | Arctic_Bees [snaldretsneppe] | 51% | 190 |
| #4 | Серебряный масте | 46% | 247 |
| #5 | HomeJeans | 44% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stimpy | 53% | 17 |
| #2 | [Hou]Møller | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | Arctic_Bees [snaldretsneppe] | 51% | 190 |
| #4 | Серебряный масте | 46% | 247 |
| #5 | HomeJeans | 44% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Серебряный масте | 18 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Arctic_Bees [snaldretsneppe] | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | HomeJeans | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | [Hou]Møller | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | Stimpy | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Серебряный масте | 480 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #2 | Arctic_Bees [snaldretsneppe] | 389 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #3 | HomeJeans | 92 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | [Hou]Møller | 55 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Stimpy | 20 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♛ ⒹⓤⓉⓢⓀⓘ ♛ | +2.15 | 44 | 53 |
| #2 | HomeJeans | +0.35 | 38 | 64 |
| #3 | [Hou]Møller | -1.41 | 56 | 47 |
| #4 | Arctic_Bees [snaldretsneppe] | -1.60 | 22 | 63 |
| #5 | Stimpy | -1.93 | 58 | 35 |





